Monday, June 15, 2015

The Right Tools at the Right Time

Yesterday I got a flat on the way home from work.  No spare tire, but that is what AAA is for.  Even had a Good Samaritan offer to change my tire if I'd had a spare.  And another lovely stranger hoped my day got better when I was waiting on the tow. AAA got me (and the groceries) home with not too many issues.  Even had a lovely nonD conversation with the driver, all about his engagement and future plans.  It got me thinking and reminiscing about those early days in our relationship, the before our boys time.  Before diabetes when the health issues we were dealing with was my endometriosis and hubby's psoriasis and vitiligo.  In retrospect it seems easy but I know better.  It wasn't but I do think it gave me tools for the even bumpier road we are on now.  I wanted babies.  I wanted a girl too.  I worried when I was pregnant that if I had a girl she'd have endometriosis and all that entailed.  It never crossed my mind to worry about autoimmune diseases in my boys.  Both were so healthy.  I ate pretty healthily through both my pregnancies.  Avoided c-sections with both.  Breastfed both for close to three years each.  Delayed vaccinations.  And I like to think all those things kept the boys from developing Type 1 earlier, because I've read the studies that not doing these contributes to Type 1 showing up if you are genetically predisposed to having it but only needing a trigger.  The worst illnesses they both had was strep or chicken pox.  Sugar Bear used to get croup every year.  And Drago had the flu right after weaning.  Anyway, all circumpect and retrospect.  Now we deal with our "new normal" with the tools we have.  I hope we pass these tools on to the boys and that they know how to use them.

Last night, for the 3am check, Drago checked his brother and himself. I didn't find out til this morning when I awoke and couldn't understand how I missed that check.  He wanted to let me sleep.  I slept soundly for more than five hours straight.  My brain feels less fuzzy this morning.  I'm less irritable.  I dreamt.  And yet it is bittersweet, to think my oldest was thinking of me and his brother....makes me tear up.

Tears are close to the surface a lot lately.  This marathon journey fills my thoughts and plans daily.  I love the Dex and can't wait for Sugar Bear to have one too.  Drago being diagnosed changed this family even more. One silver lining is the sibling bond.  Drago once again paves the way. I know what is important.  I know what I need to focus on.  But all this can be so lonely.  So isolating.  Thankfully there is the D.O.C.  They help me stay sane.  They give me a place to vent.  They support.  They know.

And so I stay ever vigilant.  I research.  I cry in private and I can now hold conversations that don't necessarily revolve around Type 1.  But it is always there.

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