Sunday, November 12, 2017

Always There

National Diabetes Awareness Month #NDAM November 2017.  And how am I participating.  Every year has been different.  Last year my focus was difficult as at the beginning of the month I had to perform CPR on my neighbor who passed away in spite of my efforts.  And she had diabetes.  It put a pit in my stomach to think about the life of my boys battling this disease.  That pit never seems to leave.  Some days I pretend to not notice it and other days it is the only thing I notice.

This year is different.  I have made so many changes.  I keep trying to focus on the positives.  It is a constant challenge.  I have gotten even more active with JDRF and that is making a difference.  Last weekend I even participated on a panel at our region's summit with three doctors on T1D Triggers.  It was quite interesting.  Next weekend I am participating in a Severe Hypo Patient Advisory Board with Lily.  I want, no need, to make a difference.  And yet at home I struggle.

Drago is 17 now and diagnosed over two years and SugarBear is almost 13 and been at this for almost four years.  I sometimes forget what life was like before all of this, before I knew.

Halloween had me changing out a pod on my Starry (K)night 10 minutes before handing out candy.  Constant.  Never ending.  Always there.

Heading home from work one day after running just one errand (grocery shopping) and getting a text and a call that Drago needs fast acting sugar as he is severely low.  Constant.  Never ending.  Always there.

Checking blood glucose at 3am with a headlamp and blurry eyes to see 418bg pop up and realizing I have to poke my son again to check ketones and being relieved they are only trace but recognizing I will be up dealing with it until I leave for work at 5:30am and handing it off to my husband with fingers crossed.  So sleep deprived.  Constant.  Never ending.  Always there.

Waking early on a day off because the Dex alarms that SugarBear is 44 and dropping.  Trying to wake him to drink a juice and having him take an arm out of his shirt for a pod or Dex placement because he is still asleep and isn't comprehending what is going on.  Constant.  Never ending.  Always there.

So I post awareness stuff on social media and wonder if anyone besides those that already know are being reached.  I think I'm too vocal and scare people off.  I think diabetes is Constant.  Never ending.  Always there.

I meet people newly diagnosed.  Those with it like us for only a few years and those celebrating milestones like 5, 15, 25, 45 years living.  Constant.  Never ending.  Always there.

Day in, Day out.  Every day.  No vacations.  No breaks.  Constant.  Never ending.  Always there.

But I hope.

I hope my boys know that I will catch them.  I will do everything I can to make this life better for them.  I will make the appointments, get the scripts filled, check BG when they are sleeping, wake when needed, advocate, inform, push for change.  That I will be a Constant.  Never ending.  Always there.  Because I am their Mama and I won't stop.

So their Dad and I will continue our vigilance.  We will be Ralph and Sam from Walt Disney, passing each other on our way to "work".  We will make sure they are okay.  Constant.  Never ending.  Always there.  Because we love them.  Because we care.  Because it is necessary.