One Step Forward

He thanked me.  Sugar Bear thanked me for doing his insulin shot this morning at breakfast.  I just smiled and said you're welcome but it has been ricocheting around my brain all morning.  I was thanked for sticking a needle in my son's bruised and battered arm to deliver life saving medicine.  Something we now do 4-8 times a day just for him.  Something we've had to do fairly regularly recently at midnight and 3am.  Sometimes he does his own shots during the day but breakfast almost always is our deal..  It's early, he's sleepy, it's hard to factor carbs and make the right dosage choices.  (Shoot, I recently had the morning mushy brain and made a big mistake and gave him too much insulin.  I mixed up his breakfast carb count with Drago's).  But he has never thanked me.

The last five days have been exhausting.  It's not easy trying to balance two Type 1s, a Type 2, work, house, homeschool for Sugar Bear, school for Drago, getting our fundraising for our JDRF walk going, and still get sleep and needed relaxing time.  And when you add in the challenges of Drago being newly diagnosed, depressed, and a teenager, well....I just can't.  So I take it one blood sugar check at a time (which is now 18-20 or more in a day), one shot at a time (now 8-16 in a day), one moment, one step at a time.  Sometimes just one breath at a time.  My Vitamix has been suffering from lack of use.  We have had less time for the regular upkeep that needs to happen.  My house suffers.  My mental state has good moments and bad.  Again, I just keep putting one foot in front of the other and try not to get too overwhelmed.  Not easy.  Not fun.  I cry a lot in my quiet moments by myself.  Sometimes it is hard to even hear myself think and that is why I blog.

On Friday we had a family outing to our friends, "the house of cure".  It was the first time we've been there since Drago's diagnosis.  He didn't want to go.  But we went anyway.  We rocked it.  It was a nice visit and somehow we managed to keep both kids in range (not an easy feet with pasta and typical BS drops at their house, we weren't sure how Drago's BS would react but it did similar to Sugar Bear).  Of course when we got home they both dropped low.  We spent from 10:30 to about 2am treating both boys' lows.  It is pretty unnerving when they both need me at the SAME. EXACT. MOMENT.  They didn't want Dad.  They didn't like how they were feeling.  I wished....hard....for a cure.

Saturday I went to work soul tired and while I was on my way home Drago had a low in the 50s.  He'd checked his BS upstairs in his room, stumbled downstairs for a juice without his kit.  Hubby can't do stairs so couldn't retrieve the kit for him and Sugar Bear refused to help.  We had a family meeting when I got home to fix what could have turned into an emergency.  Planning, and more planning.  When I go to work I pray that everything will be okay at home.  My thoughts never leave my boys.

We are once again concerned about Sugar Bear's BS numbers.  He continues to run high no matter what we do.  I'm guessing probably a growth spurt but it sucks continually giving him shots at midnight and 3am to once again see high numbers waking up.  Of course Drago seems to have the opposite going on where he is low at midnight and 3am and we are forcing fast acting carbs.  The only two nights it hasn't been like this was last night (they were both in range! At 3am not midnight) and the night they both went low.

Today on my day off I'm working on trying to get more test strips, somehow we didn't have enough for both boys.  We have about 5days left for each boy.  So phone calls with pharmacy and insurance and endocrinologist and the cycle continues.  One step at a time.