Monday, January 27, 2014

Trying to find the Balance

We went to friends Saturday night for dinner.  I drank wine and tried to relax.  It seemed to work for awhile but then Sugar Bear started to crash.  By the time we got home (late) he continued with low readings.  We tried juice, Cheetos, peanut butter and jelly sandwich, etc...  It took a call to the endo doc around 1am to get things under control.  I sobered up quickly and had a good cry.  Then yesterday things were going smoothly and he started to drop again (I was at work).  Then he rebounded even though the boys did everything right.  We had INsillion to carb ratios and nighttime lantus changed a couple days ago and we're still trying to dial it in.  What sucks is this is the new normal.  He could eat and do everything right and still drop or rise too much.  It's why we test at midnight and three am.  This morning at 3 he was at 114 for his BS.  I debated about testing before taking his brother to school at 7:30.  Instead I checked on him.  How was his breathing, did he stir at all when I kissed him, was he too pale, etc..?  When I got back at 8 he was awake and ready for breakfast and BS was 124.   But, he said he's snotty and had small ketones in his urine.  More vigilance.
I think the scariest moments for me so far (besides the hospital) have been the phone call at work that says his BS is 46 and there is absolutely nothing I can do to help.   Other moments are when Sugar Bear says "I feel shaky, I think we should test."  My stomach tightens and flips over.  My heart stops.

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