Let it Go

Almost two months without blogging.  I've missed it but just haven't been able to put into words all the feelings still churning inside me.  Nothing "major" has happened.

Halloween and our annual Halloween party both went fantastic.  Sugar Bear had a blast.

November was Diabetes Awareness Month and I spent every day multiple times a day posting on my facebook wall facts and info hoping that maybe I'll help just one person, or maybe help educate someone a little on what we go through.  I know I reached a few and for that I am grateful.
 

Thanksgiving was wonderful.  For the first time in years I didn't have to work.  I have a new job as of October 10th.  Their Grand Opening was the 13th and the evening before was a VIP just come and check us out night.  We went and it was crazy and crowded and fun.  Sugar Bear even did his shot in the moving vehicle in the parking lot because we couldn't find a place to park.   And they are closed on Thanksgiving.  It was fantastic.  Sugar Bear told us at dinner on Thanksgiving that he was thankful for a parallel universe where he doesn't have diabetes.  I'm thankful to have him.  I don't like to think of parallel universes because I know in one we lost him at diagnosis.  I'll stick to this reality, please.

This disease is so insidious.  No moment without a thought for it.  Even when he is sleeping it is on our minds.  It's constant.  We are learning how to incorporate it without letting it rule our lives but some days it is the dictator.  Shots in the middle of the night, juice for lows, adjustments of insulin, doctor appointments, constant blood sugar monitoring, carb math.......It doesn't rest, so neither do we.  Sugar Bear has had about two weeks of going low around 3pm and 6pm.  We adjusted with the endo and hopefully that will help.  But now he's not feeling his lows.  He had one of his lowest lows recently and we only caught it because it was snack time and time to test.  No symptoms.  No cold hands.  No sweating or shakiness.  That makes me nervous.    

We had our last endocrinologist appointment for this year yesterday.  His A1c was 7.4.  Three months ago it was 7.6.  Not bad, actually really good.  The next appointment in March is fasting labwork.  He has to have his thyroid checked regularly and right now he has gained too much weight.  We're hoping that more exercise will help with that but it's a vicious cycle with Type 1.  Insulin is known to add weight.  Exercise drops blood sugar.  Treat for the low.  More exercise.  More lows.  More calories.  But I have hope.  I have to.  We got this. 

We're coming up on his first "diaversary" and lots of things weigh on my mind.  Holidays have always been reflective for me anyways and this year it's a little more challenging.  I keep thinking back to how we, and especially Sugar Bear, were last year at this time.  20/20 hindsight and all that sucks.  I have to learn to let it go.  The what ifs and how did I miss's are just no good.  He's here; we go forward.