And the hits keep coming....

.....and I have no words.  I will write when I can and when I find the words.  Mental disease, diabetes, cancer...they all suck.  That is all for now.

Bow ties are Cool

I've been crying my eyes out.  It's been a rough month.  The boys have been sick quite a bit since the end of January and that has definitely taken it's toll on me, just last week Drago was battling a stomach bug.  Then my sis-in-law was in the ICU and hospital for a week for DKA.  Then a boy in the D.O.C. was fighting for his life after going into DKA from the stomach bug (same age as SugarBear and diagnosed for 7years I think) and lost his fight.  And then the straw that broke the camels back, that made this heartbreak so unbearable, that opened the waterworks full force.  I found out yesterday the boy we took home from school all last year and the year before, who transferred to a different school this year, attempted suicide by hanging.  He's in a coma and his future is uncertain.  What is certain is he will not be the boy we knew;  the boy who wore bow ties because they are cool, who could solve a Rubix cube, who loved doing origami, who was thinking about going into criminal investigation, who always had an easy smile and a kind word is changed.  He attempted to kill himself three weeks ago.  I found out yesterday when I went to get my hair done by his Mom.  I could tell something was going on and when I asked her she said "You don't want to know, it will ruin your day."

Parenting is so hard.  I struggle to find the words.  We all have this journey and some have the roughest roads through the darkest forests.  I'm sitting in the dark, weeping.  I weep for the young man who felt there was no other answer.  I weep for the Mom who can only take one moment, one step at a time because she feels so lost.  I weep for the Grandma in whose eyes I saw the heartbreak.  I weep for my boys who struggle to fight to live knowing someone who gave up.  I weep for my husband who interacted with this boy like a son.  I weep because I love them all and my heart doesn't know what else to do.